Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
