Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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