Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
