There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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