so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
