Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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