I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
