he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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