You can't special order awesome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I touched a dick in church today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
