dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
