I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
