Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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