So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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