i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
