Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
