We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is Oprah even human
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
soo... how was my night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize