the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
