Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
