Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
