dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
