party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
