girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
