But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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