Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
