Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bring me that man meat
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
