i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
