i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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