we have officially lost it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize