Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
