my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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