It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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