I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
