you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
