Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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