apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
