I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
