Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize