Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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