they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
