I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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