I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
