when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
