I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
