just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
