Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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