Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
