i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
