I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
