I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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