i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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