Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
