I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
