Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My ass is underappreciated
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
