Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
