Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
