Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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