Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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