"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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