I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
