Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
