I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
