i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
