white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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