Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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