Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
