If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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