Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
