i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
