Me. At least after what I've been through.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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