What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
