She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
