i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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