1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
