How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
