Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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