one two three fourrrrnication!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
