and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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