I puked a lego.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm too high and old for this...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
