Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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