You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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