his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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