paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
