you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
