You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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