he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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