Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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