He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
