Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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