I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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