I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize