I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
